Pretty bummed out.

We just got back from an AMAZING trip to the mountains.  Beautiful house, beautiful weather, family and friends.  Everything was great except for the way I ate.  I had a choice and I decided to (stupidly) drink a few glasses of wine and Mike's Hard Lemonades over the 5 days we were gone (probably about 8 drinks total-some of them left unfinished).  On the fourth day I had a brownie and I allowed Lincoln to have a small piece as well.  This is the first time I have "cheated" from my diet of NO dairy, soy, wheat, gluten, caffeine, alcohol in a while.  Not for the sake of "testing" a food out to see a reaction just because it was there and "I am on vacation".  I know alcohol is bad in any amount especially while nursing.  This isn't something I do... ever.  I just figured I will pump a "clean" bottle for tonight and have a glass of wine while we play board games in Big Bear.  I was being selfish and stupid and am now dealing with the repercussions.  I woke up feeling congested for the first time in months, dehydrated, dry, itchy, tired, thirsty.  Just a big mess.  Lincoln was doing okay but having a few things here and there that he doesn't normally have.  Things from cans, juice, processed foods and sugar (all "safe" as far as allergens for the most part).  I don't know why I thought it would be okay to let him have a piece of his daddy's birthday brownie (NOT allergy safe for him... hello wheat and soy) but it wasn't.  That night he was tossing, turning, moaning in pain, crying all night long about every half an hour.  Those are long horrible nights and it has been since the last time we messed up his diet since that has happened.  And then my Dylan.  Hopefully I don't cry when I type this.  Dylan...  I noticed his poop change in the mountains and it wasn't looking good.  Very mucousy and dry almost like the inside of a pumpkin.  No blood, just mucous.  He was fussy coming down the mountain and unusually clingy in the mountains.  Go figure that a week of me doing "normal" things.. has affected all of us and now Dylan is sick with a 102 fever since last night.  I know it isn't a coincidence.  I know it is because of what I ate, drank and was around.  I know my little ones systems can't handle this.  It was stupid for me to eat food I didn't bring.  I know better.  Sometimes I feel like in order for me to avoid all of this I should just stay home where it's easy and I am not tempted to drink a glass of wine or have a brownie.  I am annoyed that my kids can't eat normal shit without it immediately effecting them like this.  I hate it actually.  I hate that nobody realizes what they put into their bodies or they realize and don't care.  I hate that I feel like an outcast when I eat healthy.  Sometimes I think it isn't fair that my kids will have to deal with this.  People ask me how long they need to "eat a special diet" and I don't know the answer.  I would assume that they will have reactions to certain foods forever.  I am starting to get annoyed when people try to give me other reasons why my kids might not be feeling well.  It is not the altitude, pets, weather, teething, surgeries, or from anything else.  Though is may be a factor...  it all comes back to the chemicals that are in food and environment.  Believe me... it's been trial and error for me.  I wish it wasn't.  I wish my kids could eat what they wanted so we can have our normal life back.  I am just frustrated today.  I am just mad at myself and hoping Dylan gets better fast.  I hate that he is sick because of me.  He will be better soon and I will have learned that ANY bad food is too much.  Don't be stupid and if I can't handle the temptation... don't put myself or my kids around it.