Super Pee Man Strikes Again

I have all 3 boys enjoying a fabulous lunch of organic gluten free noodles, organic marinara pasta and a slice of my mom's homemade gluten free zuchini bread.  They are being so good.  Then I look up and Lincoln is gone.  Where did he go so darn fast?  Ohhh there he is under the table near Nolan's feet.  Then Nolan yells "LINCOLN!  What the heck are you doing?!" and in the dark I see Lincoln on his knees a trail of urine strategically aimed to drench Nolan's socks (and my zebra Pottery Barn rug).  I hear Lincoln cracking up and within 2 seconds I have one kid on time out and another freaking out that he just got peed on.  My life people... welcome to it.

remote

What is it about little kids and the backs of remote controls?!  They disappear within a few days.  How are the batteries supposed to stay in?! 

Life behind bars...

Watching Scared Straight with Nolan. (A tv show where they help troubled teens see the reality of jail) And Nolan says "I don't want to go there!" I told him "Nolie, I know you will never go to jail. You are too great of a kid." and Nolan looks at me and says "Well what about Lincoln? He is pretty bad." :/ Ummm... I have no come back for that. Writing on walls, and running around naked are illegal when I think about it. Goodness.

Let there be light

I must finish off my blogging day by letting the world know that I spent a good portion of my night cleaning up poop out of my downstairs room.  If I did not hunt for lamps tonight I would have been cleaning it in the dark.  Again... everything happens for a reason and thank you Lincoln... please use the toilet and stop using your poo as paint.

What the in cable did you do Lincoln???

So after having 2 Verizon techs come to our house and tell us there was no possible way to run a cable from our 3rd level to our first level without making a mess of it.  We simply could not have cable TV dowstairs.  "There is no clean way to do it.  You needed to run the cable before the walls where done."  Well Thanks but that doesn't help me any.  So we went over a year without cable TV in our playroom.  Well here we are all this time later and Taylor and I decided there has GOT to be a way to run that dang cable into the bottom level.  SOOOO... We did a few days worth of measuring.  Then we prayed we didn't drill into anything important that would shock and kill us or flood the place.  We  drilled holes into the 3rd level floor and our 1st level closet cieling hoping that it was hollow space.  And it was... sorta.  From upstairs we had to blindly thread the cable into a hole that was about 15 inches under the floor to allow it to pass through and make it's way down into the closet.  Talk about threading a thread through a needle.  I had to get it just right for the cable to fit through that tiny slot and after about an hour Taylor screams "YOU DID IT!  YOU GOT IT THROUGH!"  woooo hooo!  I ran downstairs and he ran upstairs and "Yahhoooos", "We did it!" and high 5's were exchanged.  We did the "impossible".  It was late and we decided to clean up the mess later and turn in for the night.  The next morning Taylor goes to work and I am with Lincoln while Dylan naps.  I go to check in on Dylan and head back to the bedroom where Lincoln has decided to HELP me by pulling the entire 10 plus feet of perfectly run cable out of the floor.  I didn't even know what to say... so I started laughing.  "Ohhh Lincoln!  WHY?!  Why did you do that?  Mommy worked so hard on that" and he says with a big smile.  "Ohh, I hewping you Mommy!  Yook!  I got it!".  "Oh yes... you did get it.  Lets go downstairs and get a treat because you are such a good helper!"  I had to get away from the sight of that cable before I lost my mind.  Crazy Lincoln strikes again.

laundry

I decide today to tackle laundry mountain.  So while I am trying to fold and I realize that from where I am standing I can see Lincoln filling up a small cup in the bathroom.  Perfect.  I can see him.  So our water bill will be high that's okay because while he is doing that I can fold the 15 loads clean laundry that have been sitting so long they can probably be washed again.  I fold about 10 things at a time looking up to make sure he is still happily filling and dumping his little blue cup.  Fold, Fold, Fold ohh this is totally working!  Maybe if I go faster I can actually get this done!  So not as hard as I thought... then realize I hear water dripping.  I look up into the bathroom and see Lincoln SITTING in the sink that he has filled to the top and water is now pouring over the sides and onto the floor soaking the bathroom.  As I run to go shut the water off and get him out of the watering hole he has created for himself Dylan goes to chase after me... of course he bumps his little head on the egde of the metal bedframe and starts screaming.  Sooo... I am really wondering if I should really fold all of this laundry today because I am 2 seconds from bagging it all up and dumping it off at Goodwill.  All that I do know for sure is that I now have to wash the towels I used to soak up his mess and figure out how to dry the bathmats that are now soaked.  He is such a stinker!

Lavender

So as I am writing my last post about pillow fluff Lincoln got ahold of a bottle of Lavender essential oil and he dumped half of the bottle all over the house.  It smells like a flea collar in here.  I have never smelled lavender so strong that it smells overwhelmingly bad.  It is so strong that I am pretty sure I won't need any air freshener until 2012.  Good thing if he pees in anything else... it will just smell like Lavender.  I think I should stop blogging for the day or else he may burn the house down or something...

PEE!

Lincoln has decided to pee in everything he can.  Inside toy boxes.  Inside my rice cooker bowl and inside a plastic storage drawer.  And when you ask him "Lincoln, did you pee inside this container?"  He will say in the cutest voice you have ever heard "Ohhh Mom!  Yook!  Dis hah pee pee inside dat!"  WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS CHILD!?

sh!tastrophy.

So I am trying to have some privacy in the bathroom when in walks Nolan AND Lincoln.  Nolan is telling me all about the coolest skater brands and Lincoln has somehow lost all of his clothing and he is dancing around naked in the bathroom entrance singing "Black and Yellow".  I finally raise my voice and tell them "GET OUT!  I am trying to go to the bathroom and I don't want you guys in here!"  So of course... Nolan says "Fine." and purposely shuts off the light and slams the door.  Here I am sitting on the toilet in the dark and it is the most relaxing 10 seconds I have had in a long time.  That is until Taylor runs upstairs "Where is Mom?!"  Nolan tells him I am in the bathroom and he bursts the door open.  He too is naked and covered in green slime.  "I went to tackle Dylan and his diaper leaked all over me!  I need your help!"  I don't know where his clothes are... I don't know where the baby is... all I know is that despite all the shit that goes down around here there is NEVER a dull moment.  Or even a clean one.  (sighhh)

Boys have a penis... girls have a...

 Last night before bed.  My son (who is 2) and I went to go "potty".  "Mommy will go potty and then you will go potty...."  So I sit down to go and right before I am finishing up he is saying "YA! Mommy you pee in toy-yet! Mommy now I..."  He stops mid sentence with the most serious, shocked look on his face.  He crouches down with his hands on his knees trying to peek at my who-ha while I am quickly trying to wipe and pull my pants up (tmi sorry).  In a very concerned voice he says "Ohhh Mommy whe is you pee pee?  Mom iss gone?  Mom is you pee pee gone? MOM?!"  I could not stop laughing.  This kid thinks I lost my penis.  My house is a pretty naked house we don't make it a big deal my kids have seen me in the shower and I openly nurse the baby but I am the only girl in the house and I guess he just never noticed that I am the only one without a weiner.  LOL  I love this kid.  He is the funniest little person.

Dressing Lincoln

I used to see kids in clothes and think "Why did that mom dress her kid like such a dork?" But now I understand. Lincoln "I no yike dat shirt. I whan baseball shrit. No I don yike dat baseball shirt. I wan dodger shirt (me-how about this shirt) Ohh dis shirt has poop momma. Is dirty! (me-no it's clean) No I don yike dat shirt too." Then he puts on a pair of Dylan's shorts and a backwards dog shirt. He is very happy now. Grocery shopping here we come!

How to keep pee cold

If your toddler pees in the fridge right before you need to pick up your 3rd grader from school just close the fridge.. blog about it and rush to the school.  Clean i later. That is the parenting advice I have for the day.

Lincoln and Dah

Lincoln just ripped my lipgloss out of Dylan's hand and said "DAH!  NO NO!  This is MOMMY'S"  He looked at me with a big smile, arms up in the air holding the lip gloss high and said "YES mommy I save it for yooo!".  Then he went and sat in the corner to hide, uncapped my lipgloss... I better get off of here quickly before it's all over him and my couch and the walls and the carpet and.....

Lincoln talks.

Ohh man.  I just realized today that Lincoln is a little boy.  In many ways he is still my baby but babies don't have conversations with you. 

Today in the car
Lincoln- "Mom, Wheh we going? We go to mountins Mom?
Me-"No Linky.  We are not going to the mountains."
Lincoln- (with a scowl that made me laugh) "Awwahhhhh!" I can see his disapointed little look in the review mirror.

Just a bit ago.  Lincoln and Dylan are playing on the floor.  Dylan is sitting up and falls over.

Lincoln-"OH NO DAH!  Dah, you fall?  Dah, you hih (hit) you head Dah? Dah, you ki-ing (crying) Dah?  Dah, shhh, shhh, shhh. MOOOOOOOOOOOOM... Dah hih his head and he ki-ing WUN (RUN) MOM Huwwee (Hurry)!"

This kid is a little boy now.  He understands me and he can verbalize what he wants, needs and feels.  I always wondered what his little voice would be like.  He's a bit funnier that I anticipated.

Taylor and Pink Socks.

Taylor and Lincoln (upon just waking up are watching baseball on TV)  For some reason the Mets have on blue socks.  Almost bright bubble gum color blue.

Taylor to me- "Hey babe, are those PINK socks."

Lincoln startes at his daddy and interjects with a serious face "No Dad Dats no pink das Boo."

First of all Lincoln doesn't usually use full sententences let alone know his colors and now he is correcting his colorblind dad.  Hmmmmmmmmm.

A-yi-sin

Lincoln spent the entire night last night calling my "A-YI-SIN" (Allison).  I was happy to have him call me "Mommy" this morning instead of by my first name.  :)  He is such a little goofball.

Whatta day but I didn't go to jail... phew.

So we had Nolan's Ortho appt this afternoon for his ankle.  The great news is that there is NO fracture.  This means that 1.) The ER Dr was too busy talking to Nolan about Nolan Ryan baseball STATS or he's blind and 2.) NO CAST for the summer!  I am so happy for Nolan.  I was wondering how we were going to pull off the rest of our summer with a casted kid.  The Ortho said that Nolan should be "back to normal within 2-3 weeks.  He is to keep off of it for at least a week and he will walk when he is ready."  Cool deal.  The real drama started when we got to the car.  I parked in a spot far enough away that I was hoping no cars would park beside me (easier to get the kids in).  However I came out with my gigantic jogging stroller full of little people and a hobbling 8 year old to find my car completely squished in. First thought "FML", next thought I am in Redlands and it's hotter than H-E-double hockey sticks get the kids in the car without door dinging anyone.  I help Nolan in (hoping that my stroller doesn't roll into the street with my kids in it).  Run back to save them from getting hit by the Arrowhead water man.  Toss Lincoln over Dylan's carseat (since I can't open the door on his side), Strap Dylan in, run back to get the jogger (A million tiny Sea World figurines go flying while I try to fold up the stroller). I climb under the Tahoe to retrieve Shamu and his friends "dolshin" and "pen-gin" that Link has been carrying everywhere we go.  Have a heck of a time getting the jogging stroller situated in a way that I can close that back of the car.  The kids are hot... I am sweating.  Dylan is fussing.  Nolan is trying to turn the air on and situate his crutches so that they don't break anything.  I start the car.  My gas light comes on (CRAP... I need gas and I know our bank account is low).  Blast the AC.  Take off Make a left.  Stop at a stop light.  BREATHE... relax.  I notice a cop that is about to make a left onto the same path as me and that's when I hear "HI GUYS!"  I flip around to see Lincoln unbuckled right in my face with his chin resting on crossed arms upon the center console with a big huge smile!  Nolan and I flip around and shove him onto the ground so that the cop doesn't see.  I immediately turn into the Shell station.  The cop follows me.  I park crooked in the first spot I am able.  The cop parks next to me.  I run around to grab Lincoln saying "YOU CAN NOT TAKE OFF YOUR SEATBELT!"  The cop smiles and walks into Shell.  My heart is pounding because I was pretty sure he was going to say "Excuse me, Who do you think you are you Britney Spears?!  You are going to jail, your kids are going into foster care and you will never see them again".  So Lincoln... I am publicly apologizing to you.  I know that this time... I forgot to buckle you in.  I feel like a moron and I am sorry that I made it your fault in front of that very nice cop that spared me my life.  Once I got Link safely buckled in.. I pull in to fill my tank.  My heart is still pounding that I just did such a moron thing (I am a freak about carseats and check them over and over to make sure they are installed properly and here is Lincoln having free reign of the car).  Being that I was totally flustered, I accidentally put over $30 in my car which hopefully doesn't make us overdraw.  Seriously... when these kids grow up... I am going to be so bored. 

so...

Lincoln decided to take his diaper off and pee in the refrigerator.  I don't know what would posses a child to do that but this is his second time. 

Not only that... we have Uncle Buck staying with us and between him and Nolan we have had 2 clogged toilets in the house.  I refuse to plunge it.  Taylor can do it when they get home from the mall.  I have to clean the house before they get back and before Dah wakes up... Going to lose my mind.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  And I ran a mile last night!   First time in my entire life to run a complete mile!  I am so proud of myself!  We are going to try and do the mudrun with Nolan coming up here in Murrieta!  It is going to be a blast.  Can't wait!

It's sinking in...

In the whirlwind of camping and packing and being exhausted I didn't really absorb the full message that Loma Linda left on my voicemail.  "Pathology came back for Lincoln George.  It is a begnin reactive lymph node.  There is no cancer in that specimen."  I wonder how many times I could press 1 and hear that over and over and over and over on my voicemail.  I wonder how long it will take me before I delete it since I save it every time I hear it.  (sigh)  Even a glimpse of hearing your baby may have cancer will change something inside of you forever.  It makes you want to live better, be a better person, be a better mother, be a better wife, be a better friend, be a better person.  There are people that come into your life that will teach you lessons and that you will learn from.  I never expected that the person to teach me so much can't yet pour his own juice without spilling or tie his own shoes.  (sigh again)  It's funny how I never realized my shoulders were so extremely tense until I was able to take a deep breath and exhale all the bad feelings that have been trying to fight their way to the front of my mind but I just wouldn't let them... they are gone now. 

Still waiting on Lincoln's biopsy results.

For those of you just tuning in to my life... Lincoln had a surgical biopsy on June 7th 2011.  He has had enlarged lymph nodes for over a year that we have been following but they started to spread so it was time to biopsy to make sure my baby doesn't have cancer.  Specifically Lymphoma.  They removed 2 lymph nodes and have sent them to the lab at City of Hope for testing.  I wish they would hurry.  5-7 business days has (so far) taken 2 days shy of TWO WEEKS.  I don't know how much longer I can wait... and at the same time I don't want to hear the phone ring if the news is bad.  We have kept positive and are filling our days with fun activities to get us out of the house and keep our minds off sitting around and staring at the phone.  Each day that passes chips away at my positivity.  When I called (again) to check to see if maybe the results were in and they had forgotten to call us the girl on the line told me "Well, sometimes it takes a while if they find lymphoma.  They have to see what cell it's on and what stage ya know.  All that sort of stuff so we will give ya a call as soon as we hear back from the lab."  I am not one to complain but I wish I would have gotten her name and gotten her fired.  Maybe that would make me feel better.  I know it wouldn't have but geez.  A simple "The labs are not in. Call the Dr if you are concerned" would have been enough.  I suppose she doesn't know what it feels like to make sure your phone is charged for 2 weeks or to not want to tie up your line in case the Dr calls or to hear your phone ring when it's not even ringing because your subconsious knows that it will ring with news at some point or to check your voice mail just in case your phone decided to ring and you missed it even though you have not put it far from reach.  I suppose she doesn't know what if feels like to stare at your baby wondering if he has lymphoma and what it will do to your life and his if this happens to be the problem.  I Suppose she doesn't know what it's like to have your eyes get teary without you realizing it's even happening until you feel hot tears fall.  So... I will tell myself she is just a nice young girl (that is sort of an idiot).  That's where we are...  That was Friday and here we are Sunday... still no news.  I will call the Dr tomorrow and see what he has to say.  I have decided that no matter what the results are it will be okay.  If he is sick... then we get him better.  If he isn't... then I will always remember this feeling and what this entire year has taught me.  Lincoln is jumping all over the couch and rubbing speghetti sauce everywhere saying "dis is fahn mom!  Mom hurry dis is fahn"