Crazy time is on it's way!

I wonder if life has any plans to slow down a bit?   Probably not... especially with the holidays on the way.  I am exhausted.  Who wants to clean my house?!  It's a mess.  I need a bowl of gluten free chex and almond milk before I do anything.  Inlaws visiting, Nolan breaking out in hives, Link pooping on the carpet, Taylor getting a new TV, dishes, cooking, parties, work, kids, cleaning, kids, errands, kids, baseball, did I say kids?  I would really like a day where my kids are not here so I can clean the house, go on a run, shower and sleep until I wake up... without someone peeing on me or screaming "MOM!".  I am tired.  Nolan just sneezed ALL OVER MY ARM!  I... I don't even know what to say. 

Super Pee Man Strikes Again

I have all 3 boys enjoying a fabulous lunch of organic gluten free noodles, organic marinara pasta and a slice of my mom's homemade gluten free zuchini bread.  They are being so good.  Then I look up and Lincoln is gone.  Where did he go so darn fast?  Ohhh there he is under the table near Nolan's feet.  Then Nolan yells "LINCOLN!  What the heck are you doing?!" and in the dark I see Lincoln on his knees a trail of urine strategically aimed to drench Nolan's socks (and my zebra Pottery Barn rug).  I hear Lincoln cracking up and within 2 seconds I have one kid on time out and another freaking out that he just got peed on.  My life people... welcome to it.

Runnin4Nana

I did it!  I ran my first 5K.  What all started with signing up to motivate me to run and get healthy turned into something much bigger!  After signing up to run for The National Parkinson Foundation and creating team Runnin4Nana (that consisted of just me to begin with) ended up in an amazing turn out and an very FUN, successful morning!  Turns out EVERYONE loves Nana Margaret and wanted to run for her too!  :)  It couldn't have turned out better!  I am so happy to have been a part of it and can't wait to do another 5k!  My time was 30:23 (darn those 23 seconds!) 

Me and my cousin Vanessa showing off our bling.





Team Runnin4Nana October 9th 2011 LB ICB 5K



My Inspiration... or should I say

OUR ENTIRE TEAMS INSPIRATION

Nana Margaret hanging out with baby Dylan



remote

What is it about little kids and the backs of remote controls?!  They disappear within a few days.  How are the batteries supposed to stay in?! 

Toy Story

I am so used to my husband asking me "did you really spend that much money?" in his mean, annoyed voice that tonight it caused a funny misunderstanding.  My son is very into Toy Story right now.  Our cable allows us to purchase movies and it stores inside the cable box memory under "purchases" allowing it to be viewed unlimited amount of times.  It was 11.99 and we watch it about 5 times a day.  My husband restarted the movie and looked at me and said "Toy Story was 19.95?!"  I was quick to defend myself.  "IT WAS NOT!  IT WAS 11.99.  I wasn't lying to you!  It really was 11.99!"  and he just looks at me (with the usual "you are an idiot" look... and I realize he is saying that Toy Story came out in the year 1995... and he is right!  It did.  Phew... thought I was in trouble!

My husband has conversations with himself.

"I can never find the house phone. Ya know it's never where it's supposed to be.  Oh, here it is.  Is this thing that dead?  Must be.  It's not even charging?!  WOW!" 

That will make a HUGE mess!

Last night I cleaned bacon grease off the wall, the stove, my picture above the stove, the microwave, the counter, the floor, a pan, the sink, a plate... Thanks to my husband who likes to cook and doesn't EVER clean after himself (but he swears he does).  Since I stopped cooking for him (or should I say that he hates my hippie, healthy food so he won't eat what I make him) he has started cooking for himself.  This consists of scrambled eggs and bacon.  No joke.  I swear that is all he eats.  Oh and these nasty skillet things that are frozen from TGIFridays.  ANYWAY... I went to get my juicer out and he said "ARE you KIDDING ME?!  That thing will make a HUGE MESS!"  Maybe he thinks the cleaning fairy cleans his bacon grease... I dunno.  Sometimes I just can't help but stare at him when he talks... there are no words.  Sigh...

The madness that happens when I am behind the wheel.

Go ahead and click the link above.  It will set the mood for this post.

Today was a special day for my uncle.  He got a promotion.  I THINK he is now a Lieutenant Colonel.  I say I think because I really have no idea.  Here is what I do know... My aunt got to sock him in the arm on the stage and once upon a time I lost some points on family game night for not knowing what "Colonel" meant... It went something like this...
Taylor-WHY did you skip this card!  We could have guessed Colonel!  You should have given us clues.  We would have gotten this card and gotten points!"
Me- I have no idea what call-a-nall is so how would I have given you clues?!
Taylor (ripping the card out of my hand) YOU ARE &^%$ing STUPID.  IT SAYS Colonel (Ker-nal)!

Now in his defense he doesn't usually talk to me like that and we both knew he was saying it ummm... lovingly.  Yeah that's it.  :P

But really who is the stupid one???  Who is the idiot that made a word like that??  What ever happened to sounding words out?  I am going to start making up my own words and just expect people to know how to pronounce them.  Let's start.  Here is your word "Allison".  Oh you THOUGHT it says "Al-is-son" but really it's pronounced "Aww-some".  Anyway... that has nothing to do with my driving story.  The madness started while I was on the 215 freeway.  My kids are screaming in the back seat.  So of course, I turn on the radio.  Static... static... static...  SELENA!  Heck yes.  I start singing.  The babies start crying... I start singing LOUDER.  The babies are still screaming... and now I am starting to sweat.  But it isn't because I am getting my Jennifer Lopez/Selena action on... nope.  It's something else... and then I realize... DUN DUN DUN... my AC has blown out.  Somehow between my (horrific) singing and the babies screaming my AC has crapped out.  It is sprinkling outside but my thermometer on the car is telling me that it is over 80.  Muggy, hot rain.  Great, where am I again?  Cause I thought I lived in California.  I don't do muggy rain and I don't do words that don't make sense... to me anyway.  :)  Other than that it has been a great day!

Some of our family on Uncle Greg's Promotion Day

PHAT=Pretty Hot And Temping. Not Fat... anymore.

   

Lovely and Large Days before I had my 3rd baby





After "going hippy" and eating well.  This is for you Alexis.  I know you wanted a before and after.  :)

So there you have it.  That was me weighing in at about 205 and then the photo below it is me at about 127.  On a good day it's 124 on a bad day... I don't weigh myself.  LOL  I have much more energy.  I can keep up with my kids easier.  I don't get stomach aches anymore and I don't have sinus problems since giving up dairy.  Yet I still have the same problem as before... nothing in my closet fits.  Only this time it's because everything is too big!  :)  I want to give a shout out to Nolan who said "Fine I will take a picture but only one.  I am hungry."

Here's to eating well... I haven't weighed this much since high school.  I exercise sometimes but it is seriously amazing what good food (and trying to keep up with 3 little boys) can do!

I guess I have the day off. :(

Took me almost 2 hours to get ready for work today.  Shower, make sure Dylan has a good feeding and gathering my supplies.  Heading out the door 15 minutes early.  Can't find my keys. "Lincoln where are mommy's keys?" He laughs and says "I hab yoo keys mommy." "Lincoln did you take mommy's keys?" "Yep, I took yoo keys."  "Are you copying me or did you really hide them?"  "Ummm... I dunnoo Mommy."  I look all over the place.  Toy box, under the couch, upstairs, the garage, the shoe rack, the pantry... you name it.  I ransacked the house COPS style.  Finally after 25 minutes I give up.  It will take me 20 minutes to get to work.  My client will be there in 5.  My house smells like boy, dirty diaper and the sink is overflowing with dishes.  I want... no... I NEED to leave.  I need to get out of here.  Dylan is crying and chasing me around crawling as fast as he can while Lincoln chants "Find yoo keys Mom.  Find yooooo keys!"  I run past Nolan who is double checking the garage for me but he is playing with pool balls and I catch him.  "WHAT are you doing?!  Help me find my keys!"  "Oh" He says "I think I got a splinter. That is why I am not looking for them."  I yell upstairs to Taylor "WHY does this stuff happen when I NEED to leave!" and he tells me "Well maybe you should always put your keys in the same spot."  Does he really think I want to hear that right now?  HE knows that even if I taped them to the cieling our children would find a way to get them down and do something fun with them... like flush them down the toilet or some other creative game.  So I canceled my client.  She was so sweet.  She wrote me back saying that she understands, that she will reschedule and that she will pray that I find my keys and have a stressfree day.  <3  That made me feel so much better.  NOW WHERE ARE MY KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????

The craziest things happen at Target.

Let me see if I can make a long story short.  (I don't know if I am capable of that)  Anyway... We go to Target (#1) and I fall in love with a lamp that is on sale.  Compared to the $50 lamps that I have been falling in love with this one has a perfect price tag.  Ringing in at about $8 bucks... I needed it.  The only problem was that there was only one of it's kind at this Target and I need 2.  Of course there was a similar one but it was square and I wanted the round one.  We put the round one in the cart and head for the checkout counter where Lincoln decides to start yelling

"I POOP IN MY PANTS!  MOM... I POOP IN MY PANTS!"

 and starts walking like he is bow legged.  Everyone is starting to stare. FML Seriously!?!  NOW???  Okay so I grab him and take him to the bathroom while Taylor checks out and I meet him at the car.  Time to go to Target (#2) because I am sure that they will have a match for my round lamp and I will be very happy to get 2 perfect lamps for my side tables that so badly need some decoration.  We get there... Target (#2) and realize that they do not have a round match to my perfect lamp but they do have a square one just like at the last Target we were at minutes before.  For the price... I say forget the round one that has no mate. I will buy the square one and go back to Target (#1) and buy the matching square one I decided wasn't good enough but it now makes the cut since it's my only option. We buy the square one. Only now I really, really want it's match.  I must go back to Target (#1) NOW before someone else gets it.  I must make my husband & tired, hungry and poopy pants children go back to Target (#1) and return the round lamp and purchase the square one so I will have a set of 2.  At this point I have in my possession 2 clearance Target lamps that do me no good because they are not the same.  As we pull into the parking lot (right next to where we were parked not 30 minutes before.  I search for my wallet (since I know Target will need my ID to make an exchange)  I can't find it.  I try to think about where I put it when I realize I never unloaded the cart.  My husband did.  I was dealing with Poop Pants Lincoln and I met him in the parking lot.  He was ready to go with the car running when I headed out to the parking lot.  My wallet is not in my purse and it is not in the car and then I look up... across the parking lot and tucked into a cart folded up into the part a baby would sit in... is my Volcom wallet.  My poor wallet was sitting all alone for about 45 minutes in a dark parking lot and I ended up finding it by accident...
me-"I think that is my wallet!"
"WHERE?" says Taylor impatiently. 
me-"RIGHT THERE!  Across the parking lot!  In that cart!"
 I run and grab it.  For the first time I am happy that Taylor was lazy and didn't return the cart to the "Put the carts back here or you won't go to heaven" section.  We exchange "Did that really just happen" glances.  I grab the round lamp to return and leave it at the customer service desk while I jog into the store to find the square lamp.  IT'S GONE.  I look all over.  I am starting to panic.  I call Taylor.
me- "DID YOU MOVE THE LAMP?"
Taylor- "Why would I... no... I didn't touch the stupid lamp.  I never even picked the thing up!" 
me-"YOU LIE!  YOU MOVED IT.  I Can't find it anywhere."
 and then I see my square lamp.  It is being held by a beautiful, big busted blonde in a dress and heels.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  I whisper into the phone "I see my lamp and there is a lady holding it."  I hang up without saying goodbye.  I follow her down an aisle.  I follow her down another aisle.  I am praying she decides that a square lamp that was 39.99 now marked down to $8 bucks is a rip off and that she sets it down somewhere... anywhere.  But I think she realizes I am following her.  So when she turns around to give me a "stop following me you crazy stalker look" I ask "Are you going to buy that?" and she holds up the lamp "This? Oh yes."  I have decided I hate this woman.  "Are you sure you want THAT lamp because I just drove from another Target for THAT lamp and I... " She interrupts me "Yes. I am going to buy it."  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Whatever... I walk away.  I should have grabbed it and ran but I didn't.  I walk up to the service desk and grab my stupid round lamp that has no match walk to the car and toss it in the back with the other stupid square lamp that has no match.  I tell my car full of annoyed boys.  "Put your seatbelts on.  WE ARE GOING TO ANOTHER TARGET."  My husband says "No way" and makes me take him home.  Fine.  I am however NOT giving up.  I drop the husband off at home and head to Target (#3) with all my kids in tow and guess what... They have the round lamp that I originally wanted.  So now I have 2 perfect round lamps and one square one.  All that I can hope is that the perfect, blond lady wanted a mate for her lamp and tough luck.  It's in my trunk.  :P

Here is what I learned from this... If I had gotten what I wanted at that second Target I would have lost my wallet.  I didn't get what I had hoped for and therefore I had to go back to where I had left it.  I was upset I had to go back but what a bummer if I had lost it.  I would have never realized that my husband had accidentally left it behind in the cart.  Also... If that lady hadn't "stolen" my lamp.  I never would have ended up at Target (#3) and found the lamps I wanted in the first place.  So it wasn't a fun trip and it took waaaaaaaaaaay longer than it should have but it all worked out.  Moral of this lame story?  There will always be obstacles large and small.  They come in the form of blonde lamp thieves, kids who crap their pants and lost wallets.  It all worked out.  I guess everything does happen for a reason.

sh!tastrophy.

So I am trying to have some privacy in the bathroom when in walks Nolan AND Lincoln.  Nolan is telling me all about the coolest skater brands and Lincoln has somehow lost all of his clothing and he is dancing around naked in the bathroom entrance singing "Black and Yellow".  I finally raise my voice and tell them "GET OUT!  I am trying to go to the bathroom and I don't want you guys in here!"  So of course... Nolan says "Fine." and purposely shuts off the light and slams the door.  Here I am sitting on the toilet in the dark and it is the most relaxing 10 seconds I have had in a long time.  That is until Taylor runs upstairs "Where is Mom?!"  Nolan tells him I am in the bathroom and he bursts the door open.  He too is naked and covered in green slime.  "I went to tackle Dylan and his diaper leaked all over me!  I need your help!"  I don't know where his clothes are... I don't know where the baby is... all I know is that despite all the shit that goes down around here there is NEVER a dull moment.  Or even a clean one.  (sighhh)