Super Pee Man Strikes Again

I have all 3 boys enjoying a fabulous lunch of organic gluten free noodles, organic marinara pasta and a slice of my mom's homemade gluten free zuchini bread.  They are being so good.  Then I look up and Lincoln is gone.  Where did he go so darn fast?  Ohhh there he is under the table near Nolan's feet.  Then Nolan yells "LINCOLN!  What the heck are you doing?!" and in the dark I see Lincoln on his knees a trail of urine strategically aimed to drench Nolan's socks (and my zebra Pottery Barn rug).  I hear Lincoln cracking up and within 2 seconds I have one kid on time out and another freaking out that he just got peed on.  My life people... welcome to it.

remote

What is it about little kids and the backs of remote controls?!  They disappear within a few days.  How are the batteries supposed to stay in?! 

Life behind bars...

Watching Scared Straight with Nolan. (A tv show where they help troubled teens see the reality of jail) And Nolan says "I don't want to go there!" I told him "Nolie, I know you will never go to jail. You are too great of a kid." and Nolan looks at me and says "Well what about Lincoln? He is pretty bad." :/ Ummm... I have no come back for that. Writing on walls, and running around naked are illegal when I think about it. Goodness.

sh!tastrophy.

So I am trying to have some privacy in the bathroom when in walks Nolan AND Lincoln.  Nolan is telling me all about the coolest skater brands and Lincoln has somehow lost all of his clothing and he is dancing around naked in the bathroom entrance singing "Black and Yellow".  I finally raise my voice and tell them "GET OUT!  I am trying to go to the bathroom and I don't want you guys in here!"  So of course... Nolan says "Fine." and purposely shuts off the light and slams the door.  Here I am sitting on the toilet in the dark and it is the most relaxing 10 seconds I have had in a long time.  That is until Taylor runs upstairs "Where is Mom?!"  Nolan tells him I am in the bathroom and he bursts the door open.  He too is naked and covered in green slime.  "I went to tackle Dylan and his diaper leaked all over me!  I need your help!"  I don't know where his clothes are... I don't know where the baby is... all I know is that despite all the shit that goes down around here there is NEVER a dull moment.  Or even a clean one.  (sighhh)

Taylor and Nolan like to argue

Taylor "Put the trashcan liner in the trashcan NOW!"
Nolan "Geez dad you don't have to be so grumpy."
Taylor "DO IT!"
Nolan "You are just in a bad mood cause you spent 38 dollars on a guy that is horrible and can't pitch.  Now you fantasy baseball team STINKS!"
Taylor "IT WAS 31 dollars!"

REALLY NO?

AN OLD QUOTE FROM NOLAN   watching ESPN nascar highlights and they said the winner was "showered in champagne and booze" Nolans eyes shot open and very confused asked me "champagne and BOOBS?!"

Whatta day but I didn't go to jail... phew.

So we had Nolan's Ortho appt this afternoon for his ankle.  The great news is that there is NO fracture.  This means that 1.) The ER Dr was too busy talking to Nolan about Nolan Ryan baseball STATS or he's blind and 2.) NO CAST for the summer!  I am so happy for Nolan.  I was wondering how we were going to pull off the rest of our summer with a casted kid.  The Ortho said that Nolan should be "back to normal within 2-3 weeks.  He is to keep off of it for at least a week and he will walk when he is ready."  Cool deal.  The real drama started when we got to the car.  I parked in a spot far enough away that I was hoping no cars would park beside me (easier to get the kids in).  However I came out with my gigantic jogging stroller full of little people and a hobbling 8 year old to find my car completely squished in. First thought "FML", next thought I am in Redlands and it's hotter than H-E-double hockey sticks get the kids in the car without door dinging anyone.  I help Nolan in (hoping that my stroller doesn't roll into the street with my kids in it).  Run back to save them from getting hit by the Arrowhead water man.  Toss Lincoln over Dylan's carseat (since I can't open the door on his side), Strap Dylan in, run back to get the jogger (A million tiny Sea World figurines go flying while I try to fold up the stroller). I climb under the Tahoe to retrieve Shamu and his friends "dolshin" and "pen-gin" that Link has been carrying everywhere we go.  Have a heck of a time getting the jogging stroller situated in a way that I can close that back of the car.  The kids are hot... I am sweating.  Dylan is fussing.  Nolan is trying to turn the air on and situate his crutches so that they don't break anything.  I start the car.  My gas light comes on (CRAP... I need gas and I know our bank account is low).  Blast the AC.  Take off Make a left.  Stop at a stop light.  BREATHE... relax.  I notice a cop that is about to make a left onto the same path as me and that's when I hear "HI GUYS!"  I flip around to see Lincoln unbuckled right in my face with his chin resting on crossed arms upon the center console with a big huge smile!  Nolan and I flip around and shove him onto the ground so that the cop doesn't see.  I immediately turn into the Shell station.  The cop follows me.  I park crooked in the first spot I am able.  The cop parks next to me.  I run around to grab Lincoln saying "YOU CAN NOT TAKE OFF YOUR SEATBELT!"  The cop smiles and walks into Shell.  My heart is pounding because I was pretty sure he was going to say "Excuse me, Who do you think you are you Britney Spears?!  You are going to jail, your kids are going into foster care and you will never see them again".  So Lincoln... I am publicly apologizing to you.  I know that this time... I forgot to buckle you in.  I feel like a moron and I am sorry that I made it your fault in front of that very nice cop that spared me my life.  Once I got Link safely buckled in.. I pull in to fill my tank.  My heart is still pounding that I just did such a moron thing (I am a freak about carseats and check them over and over to make sure they are installed properly and here is Lincoln having free reign of the car).  Being that I was totally flustered, I accidentally put over $30 in my car which hopefully doesn't make us overdraw.  Seriously... when these kids grow up... I am going to be so bored. 

Nolan's Dr appt update.

Nolan's appt went well.  The dr told him to eat healthy so his tonsils don't have to get taken out.  He wants him to pack a lunch while he is away from home.  He said he looks healthy and needed an eye exam. 

Sooo... I called around and got Nolan an appt to get his eyes checked.  20/70 w astigmatism!  Poor kid said he couldn't see!  he was right!  I am glad that is taken care of.  Now I just have to go through our insurance to try and get his glasses covered before he is able to pick out a pair.  Since our insurance is so amazing I am sure it will take forever.  (here is where I wish they had a special font for sarcasm.  :D  )  But really.  I have to wait 10 days to get a certain number and card so they can fill the prescription on his glasses.  Might be a while Nolie but I promise I am on it!  Waiting for a call to see if they can speed the process for him in any way.

Nolan's Dr appt.

Today we are going to the Dr for Nolan.  He is having enlarged adnoids and dry patches all over his face.  They show even more during the summer while he gets sun.  I thought it was a fungus when he was very little.  Then I thought it was tinea versicolor.  Now I am realizing 6 years later that it's probably a food sensitivity.  We will see what his dr says today.  I know that tonsil, ENT, sinus and adenoid issues are usually caused by dairy.  This kid needs to eat better away from home.