Toy Story

I am so used to my husband asking me "did you really spend that much money?" in his mean, annoyed voice that tonight it caused a funny misunderstanding.  My son is very into Toy Story right now.  Our cable allows us to purchase movies and it stores inside the cable box memory under "purchases" allowing it to be viewed unlimited amount of times.  It was 11.99 and we watch it about 5 times a day.  My husband restarted the movie and looked at me and said "Toy Story was 19.95?!"  I was quick to defend myself.  "IT WAS NOT!  IT WAS 11.99.  I wasn't lying to you!  It really was 11.99!"  and he just looks at me (with the usual "you are an idiot" look... and I realize he is saying that Toy Story came out in the year 1995... and he is right!  It did.  Phew... thought I was in trouble!

My husband has conversations with himself.

"I can never find the house phone. Ya know it's never where it's supposed to be.  Oh, here it is.  Is this thing that dead?  Must be.  It's not even charging?!  WOW!" 

That will make a HUGE mess!

Last night I cleaned bacon grease off the wall, the stove, my picture above the stove, the microwave, the counter, the floor, a pan, the sink, a plate... Thanks to my husband who likes to cook and doesn't EVER clean after himself (but he swears he does).  Since I stopped cooking for him (or should I say that he hates my hippie, healthy food so he won't eat what I make him) he has started cooking for himself.  This consists of scrambled eggs and bacon.  No joke.  I swear that is all he eats.  Oh and these nasty skillet things that are frozen from TGIFridays.  ANYWAY... I went to get my juicer out and he said "ARE you KIDDING ME?!  That thing will make a HUGE MESS!"  Maybe he thinks the cleaning fairy cleans his bacon grease... I dunno.  Sometimes I just can't help but stare at him when he talks... there are no words.  Sigh...

Bacon

Anyone ever watched your husband cook bacon without a shirt on.  It's quite funny.  Taylor keeps yelling "OWW!"  as the bacon pops and hot oil splashes onto his skin.  What. A. Dork.

sh!tastrophy.

So I am trying to have some privacy in the bathroom when in walks Nolan AND Lincoln.  Nolan is telling me all about the coolest skater brands and Lincoln has somehow lost all of his clothing and he is dancing around naked in the bathroom entrance singing "Black and Yellow".  I finally raise my voice and tell them "GET OUT!  I am trying to go to the bathroom and I don't want you guys in here!"  So of course... Nolan says "Fine." and purposely shuts off the light and slams the door.  Here I am sitting on the toilet in the dark and it is the most relaxing 10 seconds I have had in a long time.  That is until Taylor runs upstairs "Where is Mom?!"  Nolan tells him I am in the bathroom and he bursts the door open.  He too is naked and covered in green slime.  "I went to tackle Dylan and his diaper leaked all over me!  I need your help!"  I don't know where his clothes are... I don't know where the baby is... all I know is that despite all the shit that goes down around here there is NEVER a dull moment.  Or even a clean one.  (sighhh)

no me gusta futball americano

Sort of afraid today is going to pass without anything productive happening.  :)  Football is on.  That means Taylor will sit in his pajamas all day watching the computer and the TV at the same time making sure his Fantasy Football team is winning.  Ughhh.

Taylor and Nolan like to argue

Taylor "Put the trashcan liner in the trashcan NOW!"
Nolan "Geez dad you don't have to be so grumpy."
Taylor "DO IT!"
Nolan "You are just in a bad mood cause you spent 38 dollars on a guy that is horrible and can't pitch.  Now you fantasy baseball team STINKS!"
Taylor "IT WAS 31 dollars!"

Well hello there.

This morning I told my husband "Good morning" and he told me "I had a dream we had another kid.  It was a nightmare actually." 

It's going to be a good day.  I will keep telling myself it's going to be a good day.

Husband goes grocery shopping.

Hmmm we will see how this goes.  I just made Taylor a list for the grocery store.  He is reading it over and said "What is squash?"  So I drew him a picture.  I said (pointing to the picture) "It looks like this and it's yellow".  Then he said "What is "Be Eleven Peppers?"  and I told him  "That says bellpeppers".  And so he is off to the store.  I love that he is going for me... I have no idea what he will come home with and I can't help but giggle about the fact that he is colorblind (really... he is colorblind) and will be looking for a YELLOW squash.  Ohhh I love him.

The Itchy Burn.

Taylor is running around the house scratching his back all over the walls like a gigantic bear.  He says he has the itchiest sunburn ever.  He sat a foot away from me while I was doing P90X (yoga) rubbing his back against the wall telling me that it was my fault.  That he hates the beach and if I would have put sunscreen on him this would have never happened.  I am trying to concentrate on my "yoga form" and Lincoln jumps of my back.  I do downward facing dog and to Lincoln I look like a fun tunnel to run under.  Dylan starts screaming to nurse and Taylor won't stop telling me that I am ignoring him and that he needs to go to the emergency room before he dies.
  News flash Tgeezy... I am not your mom. I have 4 bodies to sunscreen including my own and while I am lathering up our wiggly boys you can put your own sunscreen on and I am sorry you are itchy beyond anything you have ever felt but this is what you get for being a jerk when I stepped on a bee at the beach a long time ago and making me drive home even though my foot was throbbing.  I am sorry that you itch.  I am sorry that I didn't believe you at first and that you had to google it to prove to me that there is such thing as an "itchy sunburn" and that it's horrible.  I am sorry that you FREAKED out when I tried to put a paste of baking powder and water on your back then ran upstairs pulling off your clothes to take a shower because it made it worse.  And the most important thing... I am sorry that I can't stop laughing for the past hour it's just that I am trying to not think it's funny but i... just... can't... help... it.