It's sinking in...

In the whirlwind of camping and packing and being exhausted I didn't really absorb the full message that Loma Linda left on my voicemail.  "Pathology came back for Lincoln George.  It is a begnin reactive lymph node.  There is no cancer in that specimen."  I wonder how many times I could press 1 and hear that over and over and over and over on my voicemail.  I wonder how long it will take me before I delete it since I save it every time I hear it.  (sigh)  Even a glimpse of hearing your baby may have cancer will change something inside of you forever.  It makes you want to live better, be a better person, be a better mother, be a better wife, be a better friend, be a better person.  There are people that come into your life that will teach you lessons and that you will learn from.  I never expected that the person to teach me so much can't yet pour his own juice without spilling or tie his own shoes.  (sigh again)  It's funny how I never realized my shoulders were so extremely tense until I was able to take a deep breath and exhale all the bad feelings that have been trying to fight their way to the front of my mind but I just wouldn't let them... they are gone now.